I heard a song today and it was exactly what I needed. It's an older song and I hadn't heard it more than a couple of times before, but it's one I'll be listening to frequently in the next few weeks.
"Rain on, I will not drown. I'm standing firm on higher ground."
Brother's Keeper's "Rain On"
I'm not usually a fan of songs that repeat the same thing over and over. But sometimes you need the message drilled into your head, and lately that's exactly what I've needed.
Here's what has been raining on me recently:
- The Mechanic accepted a job five hours away in an area that is unsafe for a family to live, leaving me to move with the kids.
- I got sick with a nasty respiratory bug.
That was dumb.
Here's what's happened since then.
- A deep freeze full of meat went without power, unknown to anyone, for over a week.
- We found out a car we had just put $600 into has no A/C which will require over $1000 to fix.
- The Turkey was found to be down to the 2% in weight on the growth charts. She was originally ~40%.
- The computer died.
- The Mechanic was in a wreck which sent him to the ER in an ambulance and totaled our not-fully-covered car that had A/C.
- The Turkey lost weight when we started our weekly weight checks.
- The wreck wasn't as cut & dried as we thought it was... shouldn't go into detail here but we're currently out over $10,000.
- The Ladybug got her first stomach bug... 2 hours before I needed to start the drive back from our new house to our current house.
- The Turkey needs an echocardiogram.
I have multiple offers of help, but I don't know how to utilize that help. My house is such a wreck that there's not room for more than one adult in here. And it's hard to get the kids to someone else.
Now I'm not saying all this to get sympathy. There's a family in my prayers right now that are watching their 1lb13oz son fight for his life. There's another family that lost a baby that never got to leave the hospital. My struggles and problems are nothing compared to theirs. Part of why I did want to type my problems out in a list like that is because when I do that, they really don't look that bad.
But despite the chaos, the frustrations, the weight of the world that has made knots in my trapezoid muscles the size of brats, this has been such a rich time. Because I don't have another person to lean on. In my own strength, I can't deal with all this. I can't even begin to figure out how to use the help that might be available. But, my prayers for a deeper relationship with my Savior are being answered. I've been given a desire to study the Bible and to know God more. I'm more sensitive to His correction, His hand over my mouth. And He no longer feels so far away.
The Sunday that the Mechanic was to leave, we of course were driving separate cars to church so that he could leave straight from there. I had on the local Christian radio station and they played a song that was perfect for what I was about to face, although I didn't know the extent and still don't.
"Scars and struggles on the way, but with joy our hearts can say:
Never once did we ever walk alone, never once did You leave us on our own.
You are faithful, God, You are faithful."
Matt Redman's "Never Once"