And I almost succumbed this morning.
"Just one check" I thought this morning. "I won't post anything, I just want to see what's going on."
Addiction. It seems absolutely crazy to me that a single website can have this sort of effect on a person's mind. My mind. But it does. It is absolutely an addiction. My finger just starts to type that "f." It's a craving, to see a glimpse into other people's lives.
And why? I really have no idea. Because I know, if I log on, I will find myself in a time vortex... my minutes and hours sucked away, never to be regained. I know I will find myself emotionally upset over people's opinions of the current political situation. I know I will then be less patient with my children, less engaged with them, get less accomplished in my house, do less teaching, less reading, less serving. My mind will be filled with the clutter from other people's lives. I'll feel like I "know" people when I don't talk to them in real life. I'll feel like I have friends when I only know what they choose to share with the world. I'll be tempted to put my own opinions on there. My own reaction to things.
Am I sharing my own opinion right now? Absolutely, but I think a lot more when writing a blog post than I do when posting a status on Facebook.
What has happened in my life in the 3 days I've been off Facebook?
I've listened to an online mom conference and learned about emotional coaching, willpower depletion as moms, involving children in the kitchen, having an identity as a person while mothering, budgeting, housekeeping, planning a personal retreat, and raising un-entitled children. Today, I'm going to learn about decluttering my home, mind and soul, about being a wife for life and succeeding in marriage, and about effective exercises for moms.
I've realized how much I am an approval addict. I've processed my childhood and its effects on me. I've realized it's my responsibility to replace lies that I was taught with God's truth. I've realized it's time for me to take ownership of my own life, my own happiness. I've had impressed on me the need to repair areas of my life.
I've revisited my study of the armor of God, picked up my prayer cards again, prayed for people specifically and followed up with some.
I've looked over what God's been teaching me for the entire last year... how much He loves me. And I've thought of how many ways that's been whispered in my ear and shouted in my face. I've thought about the consequences of beginning to understand that truth. I've pondered the consequences that could come from fully allowing that reality envelop my mind and heart.
3 days. And I've promised to be Facebook free for another 3 weeks, minimum.
When I look at the consequences of only 3 days, I'm able to resist the temptation. :)