One message has been whispered into my heart and mind over the last couple of days.
God is God, and I am not.
It's been said in different ways, but that phrase sums it up most simply.
Friday found me angry. Broken and angry and shaking my fist at God. Questioning, "why are You doing this? We're trying to get things right! We're trying to get our act together! And it seems like we run into obstacles at every turn! And on top of it all, You have to cause my child pain. You have to make her body complicated. You have to give her problems that cause her to say "I can't do anything!" Why can't You just heal her? Why can't things just be easy for once?"
And I stood up in church today to ask for prayer for her, and I said it would be nice for her to have good health for awhile.
And the sermon was about praying in the good times. I had a hard time identifying with that at first. I whispered to the Mechanic, "God doesn't seem to allow us more than 24 hours of good times at a time."
But I've continued to think about that phrase used in the sermon today. "God is God and I am not." I recalled a song I played often in my college days, when things didn't seem to be going according to my plan.
And I've thought about what C.S. Lewis wrote in Till We Have Faces. "You Yourself are the answer. Before Your face questions die away."
And I posed this question to myself: what if God hadn't protected my husband in that wreck yesterday? What if cancer became, not that person over there, but became me? And this is the hardest one for me right now... What if God doesn't heal my child? What if He doesn't take away her pain? What if her pain increases?
Is God any less God? Is God any less good?
It's easy to say how powerful and awesome and great and good God is when He holds back the snow for the perfect length of time to get our plumbing fixed. It's easy to praise Him when we're involved in wrecks and walk away from them.
But when my daughter is crying? When I don't see an end to her pain that'll last beyond the next weather front?
What if... in addition to praying for healing, begging for relief, I prayed for God to be glorified through her pain? And applied that thinking to everything else I pray about?
Because it's not about God rescuing us from our circumstances. He can, and He sometimes does. But it's more than that. Because if it's only about rescue and relief, what is there to fall back on when you aren't rescued and there is no relief? Do you conclude God isn't really God? Or that He's not good?
Truth. Fact. You have to base your life on those stones, not on ever changing feelings, whether they be warm fuzzies from seeing incredible provision or that sick sinking feeling in your stomach when you find your daughter curled up in pain and fatigue.
That's why I love the song "Bring the Rain." Because it ends with the basis for belief: "Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty." It's not about feelings. It's not about healing and protection. It's about the God of the universe being holy. It's not about Him rescuing us from this life, but walking through it beside us. Emmanuel. God With Us.