Thursday, January 9, 2014

That Mother

"I'll become a skull CT, and you won't understand me," says Baby Bunny.
"If you become a skull CT, I'll learn to read you, so that I can understand you," says Mama Bunny.

I am looking at CT scans online, so that I can learn to identify a closed suture from an open one, and maybe even a patent suture from a non-patent one.

I'm sure this makes radiologists and surgeons cringe.  They go to school for 4 years, and then train for an additional 4-8 years to learn to read these things.  And this mother thinks she can do a better job than they can?

Better? No. But does that stop me?  Nope.  Because the only way for my child to get the care she needs, is if I know enough to question.  And if I do question.  And express doubt.  And get very specific.

I am becoming that mother.

In a perfect world, I wouldn't have to be that mother.  I could trust that everyone else cares just as much about my child as I do.  I could trust they're double checking names and medical record numbers and dates of birth.  I could trust they're keeping in mind the age of my child at the time of the test, not just her current age.  I could trust they're putting her as a priority.

It's not a perfect world.  In an imperfect world, boob enhancements and nose jobs take time and brain cells away from my child.  And mistakes get made.  Honest mistakes.  They happen.  I get that.  I worked in a doctor's office and know how things get lost, people get sick and take vacations, things get shuffled to the bottom of the stack.

And that's why I'm here.  That's why I'm that mother.  Because I want to know that my child is getting the best care she can have.  Because by trusting you, a human, I'm assuming you care just as much about my child as I do, and will be just as careful.  And while there's a time and place for that, this is not that time.

Hopefully this will make me a better and more understanding nurse in the future.  For right now, though... I pity the medical staff that treats my child, because they're going to have to deal with me, and I'm on the warpath for some answers.

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