"Therefore do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised." Heb. 10:35-36
I've read the Bible through several times in the last two decades, but I don't recall ever noticing this passage. Funny how different things can jump out at you, depending on what point you're at in your life.
I'm currently anxiously waiting the Mechanic's call to the realtor to find out if we have a house in our new town. If the answer is yes, we get to make the 18 hour journey together, this week, and start our new life together. If the answer is no, he will make that journey alone, and the girls and dogs and I will be left in the cabin in the woods for an unknown amount of time, the fate of the dogs unknown as well.
I've said recently that I'm all out of optimism. I was optimistic when we had two interviews in the town we really wanted to move back to, and I was optimistic when those interviews went really well, but when those doors were slammed shut in our face I began to lose my optimism. I was optimistic when we got the job in Montana, but when I started trying to locate a rental house I lost even more of my optimism. The closer we got to D-Day, the more my optimism waned. The horrible journey up here killed it completely.
It's not necessarily a horrible thing to be left behind. The cabin in the woods is beautiful, and it's not as isolated as I'd imagined. The grocery store and gas station isn't more than 10 minutes away, the beach is even closer, and I've learned my way around enough to feel comfortable getting out on my own. It's the uncertainty. The wondering if we're going to be able to keep our dogs or have to leave them at a shelter. The wondering how long I'll be here alone with the kids. The wondering if the Mechanic will be able to find a decent house to rent, or if we'll end up in some cat-urine covered trailer 20 miles away from the nearest grocery store. (Yes, that happened to someone out there.)
But I'm commanded to remain confident. What promises can I be confident in? I'm promised to have my needs met. Of course, Christians have gone hungry. They've been homeless. And I'm in no danger of either one of those; one way or another we will have food and a roof over our heads. There must be something else, then, that has been promised. Something more than simple material possessions. That all will work to my good. The good He has planned for me, not the good I have planned for myself. That He will meet all my needs. The needs as He sees them, not the needs as I perceive them. That He will never leave or forsake me. That He will give a peace that passes all understanding.
It's confidence in the Father who owns the cattle on a thousand hills, who gives good things to His children. Not the prayer of Jabez kind of thing, where I expect a mansion and maid service. But He will give what is good for me, when it's good for me. And that's not always what I want when I want it.