Do you ever get to the point that you just want to quit? You're so tired that you feel like you simply can't go on?
But I can't quit.
My husband told me to have some optimism. I told him I was optimismed out.
I have a newfound respect for single parents. It's tough. It's beyond tough. It's exhausting. It's being on call 24/7 for weeks on end. I know moms are always on call, but this is different. The knowledge that if my child were actually to get into something dangerous, I'm the only one who can stop her can get quite burdensome.
I said today that I was exhausted in every single way possible. I'm sure there are more ways out there, but I'd rather not find out about them.
One of Andrew Peterson's songs that I love says this. "...the first time you know you're not enough, the first time there's no one there to hold you. The first time you pack it all up and drive alone across America, please remember the words that I told you... go back to the old roads."
So back I go... to look at what God has brought me through. Is that not what the Israelites were commanded to do?
Those many times I had no idea what school I'd be at or where I'd be living in a few months. Those college days of Lyme and exhaustion. The blur of the first 6 weeks of having two 11 months apart.
We are given strength to match the tasks presented to us. It's not just physical strength. It's mental and emotional strength.
It's strength to withstand the constant "need" that pulls and tugs until you feel you're going to snap.
It's strength to find patience when there are no naps, when the shrieking seems like it will never stop, when you are interrupted from your packing to try to interpret what "elpa elpa elpa" is referring to, only to realize the box you were halfway through packing has now been emptied and she needs help (elpa) to reach her Wubbanub that is now in the bottom of the empty box.
It's strength to believe where the Lord leads He will provide.
It's strength to believe there is a reason for all, even if it's something as simple as needing to have two cars totaled so they could be replaced by SUV's better suited for dirt roads.
It's strength to realize it's okay to fall apart. To admit weakness. To admit that you need a break.
It's strength to drive to Sonic to splurge on a watermelon slush. And then realize it's National Hotdog Day and be refreshed with $1 chili cheese coneys.
It's strength to know the best thing you can do for yourself is to curl up with a book and a brownie and start the day fresh tomorrow.
It's strength to have confidence that one day, I will know a young family moving. That I will recognize struggle. And that I, because of all this, will know what to do. That I will be able to look that young mom in the eye and say "I know what this is like, I've been there. Let me help you."
The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has not might He increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.