Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Waiting


So, Ladybug had her ultrasound of her skull today. She did so good, although it was a little strange for Mommy to be looking at her baby girl on the ultrasound table instead of being there herself! We had a sweet tech who was about 7 months pregnant with twins, boy and girl; so sweet! She took all sorts of pictures through Ladybug's little soft spot and then went to show them to the radiologist to make sure she didn't miss anything. When she came back, she told us the radiologist couldn't really see what he was needing to for the diagnosis we're trying to rule out, so he wanted some x-rays taken. I'm grateful for the way they handled this, so much better than letting us go home and then have to go all the way back over there.

Back to the waiting room we went, and of course Ladybug fell asleep right before we were called back for the x-rays. Too bad she won't stay asleep when I lay her down; she sure wasn't going to stay asleep on that hard table! She looked so tiny on that huge table. It was good that the Mechanic went with us; since I'm not on prevent-a-baby pills I had to go behind the protective wall, so he garbed up and helped position her. They wanted four views, one of each side, one straight on, and one from the top of her head. They had to retake one view three times because she kept wiggling; finally had to use the head immobilizers, which she didn't like.

We'll get our results at our four month check-up Thursday; all I can tell you is she has a skull. Neither of us really knew what we were looking at during the ultrasound, and we didn't get a close look at the x-rays either. We could probably get the results early, but as I told my mother-in-law today, what's the point? It's not going to change anything at all, and I'm already bracing myself for the most-likely worst scenario, which would be the craniostenosis. The only other thing that might be worse that I can come up with is cancer, and I have every confidence it's not that.

So I wait. I'm amazingly at peace with things right now; perhaps it is the prayers being lifted up for us. What else can I do? I kiss her little head and tell her I love her, and tell her she's cute even with a lumpy head. God will provide. I don't know how, but for right now, worrying isn't going to do a thing.

I was glancing over a blog today which had a verse I hadn't thought of in quite a while, the passage that says "You knit me together in my mother's womb." It's comforting, because it reminds me that God made my little girl just the way she is. He chose the genes she has. He knew when he first formed her in me what life would bring her. He knows all the illnesses, the injuries, the pains, the heartache, the joys that she will have. He knows her every day, and has them planned for her. I don't know what tomorrow, or especially Thursday, will bring. I don't know what the next six months will hold. But I know someone who does. And while that seems trite... it is such a comfort. Someone else loves my baby girl more than I do. More than I ever could. And as hard as that is for me to imagine... it's true.

No comments:

Post a Comment