Sunday, August 7, 2011

Obviously by the lack of posts, no bed rest was required. We went back to complication free for several weeks until I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes, which turned into probable pre-pregnancy uncontrolled diabetes. So I now follow a strict diet, check my sugar 4 times a day, and have twice weekly ultrasounds. Her birthday has been pushed up a week to late September as they will be either inducing or taking her at 39 weeks. And whether or not I get to even attempt a natural birth will be decided by how large she continues to measure. As of now she's a pound or more bigger than she should be, so we're looking at an 8-9lb baby, too big for me to have naturally. Oh well, as long as she gets here safely.

We've had other issues besides health problems, though. Between the car problems and the family problems, it's about been more than I can take. I keep waking up thinking, it's got to get better. It just has to. And then something else happens, or there's another spin on things that leaves my head reeling asking "where in the world did this come from?"

I was listening to Indelible Grace on the way to church this morning, and I realized what a fitting song we sang at our wedding. "I trace the rainbow through the rain and feel the promise is not vain, that morn shall tearless be." So my prayer for the coming months is that the messed up @#$% that has happened will drive me closer to my Heavenly Father. That I will turn to the love that will not let me go. That I will not close my heart to the joy that seekest me in pain. That I will not focus on what is missing, what is messed up, but focus on the blessings and the pleasures that are granted me.

I look forward to holding my baby girl in my arms, kissing her sweet face, and entreating God that she never have to face the decisions that we have had to face in the last few weeks. I look forward to seeing her daddy hold her and praying that he will be a picture of a Father God to her. I can't wait to hold her tiny hands and pray that he and I will never be a stumbling block to her but stepping stones to help her understand true love that can only come from her heavenly family.

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