Monday, July 4, 2011

Happy Fourth of July... While most of the area is watching fireworks, I find myself sitting in the house checking the level of edema in my legs and hands for the gazillionth time today. It's just not fun to watch fireworks alone, and I wasn't sure I wanted to try to control both dogs while sitting in the car. Maybe some holiday traditions will start once the baby is born; if not, this poor child will not know about any holiday since we really don't do anything special for most of them.

So the latest in the pregnancy story are possible complications. Up to this point, we've been completely free of those. I've spent the weekend checking my blood pressure, weighing, and seeing how deep I can make dents in my legs. Thankfully, my blood pressure has been good here at home, and the swelling is better today than it's been all weekend. So I'm somewhat hopeful that the doctor will tell me tomorrow that everything's fine and to continue living as normal. But, according to my scale I'm gaining a pound a day, I'm not going to the bathroom nearly as often as I was a couple weeks ago, and we know the lab results are abnormal; just how abnormal I'm not sure. Which makes me worry that things may not be fine and the doctor might have to restrict my activity.

If you've never faced the possibility of bed rest, you might think, oh, hey cool, a chance to read all those books I never have time for! This is true, but... I face the possibility of losing my job. The inability to clean my house, at all. The inability to go grocery shopping. The inability to take the dogs for a walk. The inability to cook. The little things that we do everyday that we take for granted. Plus, when you're pregnant, laying in bed isn't all it's cracked up to be. I can't imagine having to do it for the next three months. Which is exactly how long I have left... three months today.

But, there's not a thing in the world I can do to change what the doctor says tomorrow. She'll look at the lab results, she'll look at the vitals (which will hopefully be better than last visit so I can avoid another trip to the hospital), and she'll look at me. And she'll make the best medical decision she can. And I'd be wise to follow her advice. Once again, like I realized at the beginning of my pregnancy, much of this is out of my hands. Just like I can't keep her perfectly safe, I can't wave a magic wand and make the weight gain and swelling disappear. I can't help that my urine output is not quite what it should be. All I can do is try to stay as calm as possible under the circumstances and deal with whatever is dealt me.

I just looked down at my belly and watched about 5 straight kicks... it's good to know she's happily oblivious to my little worries. That's the good thing about this possible complication; the baby stays just fine, as far as I know, until you get to the point of mom dying. Of course, they try not to get to that point so an early delivery is frequently the solution to this problem.

*shrug* I'll be glad about 12 hours from now when I have an answer. That's what I have the hardest time dealing with, the uncertainty. But I guess that's what life's all about.

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