Friday, December 3, 2010

I started this blog with the intent of writing once a week or so to keep my writing skills from dying completely and to provide therapy for the rapidly shrinking bit of creative brain I have left. Obviously, that hasn't worked out so well.

One of the things I've learned about myself is that when something doesn't work as well as I had hoped, I give up. If I can't do it perfectly, I won't do it at all. So this blog is an exercise in picking up where I left off and trying again, despite the failures.

On that note, here are my thoughts of late.

The holidays are upon me once again, and despite my best intentions, my house is a total wreck, the couch is wet with dog urine, the dishes are dirty, the clothes aren't put away, the fall decorations are still out, and the tree is undecorated. The turkey is still in the bottom of the fridge, the apples haven't been turned into apple crisp, and the birthday presents are still unwrapped. This state of things makes me want to curl up in a ball and hide in the corner under a blanket.

The huge problem with that reaction is that it gets me nowhere. Obviously. Not now, and not in the future. The future... oh dear... I'm facing the potential of being a military wife with my husband in med school, somehow balancing a full time job, hopefully several babies, multiple dogs, and numerous moves. And I know that I will expect myself, and rightly so, to be a supportive wife and loving mother. I also have learned that 98% of the household responsibilities will fall on my shoulders, because I am the wife. (Thanks God, why couldn't the men have been given the job of helpmeet?) Plus, the doctor has found my legs are crooked and will continue to cause me problems.

So, with all that in mind, what is my reaction? Type, apparently. But beyond that. One thing at a time. Make a list, and pick something and do it. The list doesn't have to be perfect, or complete. It doesn't have to be color coordinated by priority and type of task. Just write down what immediately comes to mind and then pick what seems most urgent and do it. Or pick what is most doable at the moment. And manage the problem; don't let it manage me. So my knee is a pain in my bum. Take a pain pill, prop it up, and pay a few bills. Then try putting the dishes away again. Thirty minutes on the eliptical is a no-can-do right now. So do ten. Shoot, just make it down the stairs and back up again. It's progress at this point.

There again, my blog title seems to be the theme for which I should strive. Small steps, moving forward, slowly, bit by bit. Fall down, fail, slide backwards, and then start again. We'll see if I can move more forward than backwards this weekend.